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WE MAY KNOW NOTHING

kuburan dumbledoreWe may know nothing of this world. Do you expect there is one single man who can answer all your questions about who we are originally, about what do we live for, how this planet grows and dies in the end, how civilizations will face it’s end? Do you expect to find that such great man? That’s a too great expectation, in fact.
To cure our desperation, we decide not to stop questioning all the harms we did to the earth, to the human, to the animals and plant. Why do we make this war? Does it make life better? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Or why do we never know that we are not the most powerful creature, and not even a creator? I remember my grand mother when she was dying. Looked all shrunk up and grey. I asked her if she was afraid. She just shook her head. I was afraid to touch the death i seen in her. I couldn’t find nothing beautiful or uplifting about her going back to god. I heard people talk about immortality, but i ain’t seen it. I wondered how it’d be when i died. What it’d be like to know that this breath now was the last one you was ever gonna draw. I just hope i can meet it the same way she did. With the same… Calm. Cos that’s where it’s hidden—the immortality i hadn’t seen.
And i should tell you that my grand father dead earlier than her—five or six months before. He was dead the way she did—or i should say chronologically: she was dead the way he did. I don’t really care. Both that deaths, i witnessed them.
Then late in the night weeks after my grandmother’s death, a troubling question going around inside my head, how will i die? How will i end this mortality? Will i end in peace, or full of tears and pain and anger and desperation and revenge? I do not know. For several nights later, i just can not help thinking about it over and over again.
I know there are many scientist are trying to diagnose the death. They try to find a way to cheat it, but then the answer is it just impossible. Worse, we can’t even detect correctly when that final day will come.
Every breath we take, is every possibilities of mortality we drag.
Years later, i do not think of death seriously anymore. I heard people dead, and it does not bother me at all. But now, when i realize that my grandmother—from my father—is absolutely old, fragile, weak and helpless, i now that i will face that guy again, sooner and sooner. What can i do? I guess i know what to do, but i do not know how to safe her. Am i right with this opinion that some of old people prefer to die than to continue their life? I may made mistake, but i found some who asked for it. One thing i can convince is, my grandmother is not one of that few people.
I believe, there are heaven and hell awaiting for us there in here after. And here in this world, we hold the control of that possibilities: entering heaven or hell. By this point, then i make my decision about my and my family’s life. I know we human will never know the exact time to die, so we must always prepare for it’s coming. Prepare everything. This makes my life feels lighter to face the death. But one thing i’m still afraid is, how if the death comes right at the time when i decide i do not want to die yet? Can i make some kind of agreement? Asking for delaying of my death. I guess i can not. And no one is able.

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3 Responses

  1. memang memikirkan kematian menakutkan. tapi bagaimanapun, akan tetap kita temui.

  2. menyentuh

  3. kematian itu indah….!!!!

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